im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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