Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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