Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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