hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
