ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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