I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize