I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Plan B is the new Plan A
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
