she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
