You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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