yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
