Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
