So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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