My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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