It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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