I want you more than these girls want KFC
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
