my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
