just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
pop tarts are not kleenex
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
