That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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