i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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