Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
