I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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