its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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