Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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