he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
