Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
