mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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