So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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