You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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