btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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