I wish I could teleport
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize