I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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