tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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