At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
