why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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