i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
