I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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