Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
