And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
