i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
