oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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