scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
