So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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