There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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