You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
