You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
