pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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