My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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