he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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