After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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