Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
