with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They have beer where we have blood.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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