It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
