Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you traded sex for a burrito?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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