Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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