You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
