You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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