I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Alive.
So much puke
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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