I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
