I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
