That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My life is pants optional.
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