like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
