Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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