Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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