erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
