u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
